A Walk in the Park
by TheNightwingfan
Summary: Robin's losing his seemingly endless supply of hope. As Slades apprentice he contemplates how much everything has changed. Oneshot. Redone. Please R&R! Not slash


_**A/N: This is a fic I wrote forever ago and I decided to rewrite it. Tell me what you think. **_

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_**All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy;**_

_**for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; **_

_**we must die to one life before we can enter another.**_  
_**-Anatole France**_

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The Teen Titans: self-righteous, brave, courageous, and a dedicated team of heroes.

Robin used to believe all of that. From the depths of his heart, he believed they were that and more. A symbol of hope…but perhaps those thoughts were just wishful thinking. The reaffirmation revealed itself when they so blindly turned their backs on him. Robin knew expecting them to understand would be like trying to explain the universe without any vowels, but hope once told him they had would never give up figuring it out. "They will never give up on me," Robin would repeat that to himself every night before he went to sleep, but as the months came and went, the words held less meaning in them. Every battle he laid hints that he still cared, be it the grimace when he hit them or the way he tried to remain on the offensive side, he tried.

Their blind rage refused to let them see the hints though and eventually he stopped because Slade soon caught on. His tactic went from avoiding them in hopes of them tiring themselves out to taking them down as fast as he could. Robin likes to think that if he were in The Titan's position, he would have done everything in his power to figure out a logical reason behind their betrayal. Even then, if he could not, he would never stop trying to reach out to them. How could they believe he would just turn his back on them like that?

What makes this whole thing worse is the fact that not only do they believe his betrayal but so did the rest of the world. The rest of the world even included the aloof Batman. That last hope of a desperate boy was Batman. Thinking that the Sherlock Holmes of this time could piece together the puzzle, it crushed the already under-pressured heart when he did not. If he couldn't, who could? He simply gave up on him and the lack of affection from Batman pushed Robin closer to Slade.

After training, the conflicted boy sits on his comfortable bed at night and he takes time and reads the paper every night. Nationwide paper covered anything worthwhile and once in awhile they had something about The Titan's or even Batman. At first, relief flooded him when his eyes scanned their picture, but after the first year, the feelings morphed into resentment.

Oh, Robin had hope, but as the days began to turn into weeks and the weeks turned into months, it dwindled. As expected, Cyborg quickly took the responsibility to lead The Teen Titans and from experience, Robin knew Cyborg slipped into the roll expertly. Six months into the apprenticeship, he sees the headline, "A NEW TITAN." The intense fire in his heart remained under control until he actually read the info about the amateur earthmover. Something about,  
"She's inexperienced but after the fall from grace of their former leader, we could use more protection from said former leader."

A year, two months, and however many days passed when he read an article about Bruce Wayne declaring Richard John Grayson had been killed in a freak accident. Two years, five months, and six days passed when he read an article about Bruce Wayne adopting another poor orphaned child, this time his name was Jason and he was from the slums of Gotham. Bad call Bruce.

Slade monitored his training that night with extreme caution and a grin spread when the boy upped his usual count of destroyed punching bags.

"Am I that replaceable?" Robin thinks to himself.

So after the final straw, the newly named Renegade (Robin linked to the backend phrase of "Batman and…"), he dug up some dirt about Terra. Oh, the dirt he dug up gave him confidence they wouldn't trust her again after he exposed her. Dick felt that his plan executed itself perfectly until he watched as they forgave her. He, unfortunately, was present as they welcomed her back with open arms and love that Dick could only dream of feeling again.

"Ter-Tara, we understand you have had a difficult life, but it is important you trust us. We're here for you," Raven said in a somber tone.

"I'm sorry guys, I swear I won't keep anything from you guys again," Terra had replied.

A gag escaped Renegade's mouth.

"Oh come here friend Terra!" Starfire exclaimed and she gathered the entire team in a group hug.

He optimized the distraction and vanished quickly, quickly returning to base before they realized he left. Right as he returned to base, he emptied his stomach contents.

His failure left him feeling dejected and more self-loathing than before. Slade later on didn't lecture him on the failure but allowed him free time and space.

The fiasco turned out to be the final push to send him over the edge. The only people who seemed to care for him anymore were Slade and Wintergreen. Dick's always been optimistic, so he tells himself that at least they still think he's still worth something. His complete trust relied only with Slade, and that terrified Dick.

The doubts of why he had been chosen had been swept away and Dick stopped asking questions like, "Why me?" "Should I be gratified at the fact that he chose me?" "Why not chose someone more willing?" His master, teacher, mentor, whatever anyone wanted to call it was Slade Wilson, AKA the infamous Deathstroke the Terminator. He hated to admit it, but the whole thing is an intriguing experience.

Slade grew on him and his obsession with the man altered into admiration. The talent that this man has is unmatchable and awe inspiring. The way Slade handles pressured situations and the way he always is three steps ahead never cease to amaze him. Dick could only hope he would turn out to be as good as Slade, that way he could finally take him down. Permanently.

Dick channeled his anger and he found that he could actually get along with Slade. Perhaps better than he had gotten along with the team.

The sole purpose of the journey to Jump City was to discover who "Robin" was. What had first been a journey to self-discovery quickly turned to becoming leader of the ragtag team. The beginning of their friendships never seemed too awkward but he foolishly kept them at a distance.

Starfire was always there for him though and he started to seriously like the girl, possibly even more than just like. The way he felt for her warmed him to his core and every time she came to him with a new question, he answered her with pride. After all, she went to him more often than she went to the others. The alien girl, filled with naivety but strength, embraced the world with so much love it made it difficult not to be cheerful in her company. The puzzling thing about her, also the most interesting, was her ability to befriend someone without question… She was his best friend.

Now she's his worst enemy. Every time they would link eyes with one another, the hatred, betrayal, and disappointment that reflect in her eyes chills him to his core. As the battles continue, she becomes more hostile. Renegade expected this, but the actual acceptance of the fact she despised him, killed him. Occasionally, they'll get alone time but it's never spent positively. The former Titan leader would never walk out unscathed and regrettably, neither did she. Slade would not stand by to see him beaten by her.

The only other female on the team carried polar opposite qualities but nonetheless, everything she did turned out to be remarkable. Carrying the responsibility of being the realist of the team, Raven never socialized much. Her activities practically only included meditating, reading, and her herbal tea. The aura that surrounded the empath caused her to appear antisocial but her dark beauty drew the team to her. Dick held suspicion on her actions, no one acted like that without a reason behind it all. It seemed almost as if she were afraid to hurt them. He got over it though and when he did she almost immediately started opening herself up and trusting the team.

The power she could wield in battle always awed him but never did he imagine he would be on the other side of her powers. Renegade realized that dark beauty could be damn terrifying. The power that she's gained over the years is nothing to joke about and Renegade actively tries to avoid her line of sight. He blames her sudden gain of power on her learning to let some emotions go. From files in Slade's office, it's noted that her powers feed on emotions. So he tries not to piss her off. Dick thinks his betrayal put things into perspective for her…in a positive way. That psycho so readily believed the worst in people it was an easy transition to liking him to wanting to kill him.

Speaking of people wanting to kill him, Beast Boy's laughter was definitely missed, even if that laughter was caused by the kid's own sad excuse of a joke. Perhaps a little humor was needed in life; god knows Slade's no comic relief. Easy to say, Dick missed the kid. Young, hopefully, punny… his attributes all reminded Dick of his younger self. A bad quip always at the ready, he held an air of hope. No matter what, he did everything with pride, perhaps a little brashly, but he got stuff done. If only he could learn to keep his room clean and he'd be more efficient. Seriously, one step into his room and you're engulfed in a sea of videogames, greasy old food, and dirty clothing.

He's, beyond a doubt, the one that changed the most after everything. Now, Dick doesn't actively stalk this kid (That's one habit of Slade's Dick has never picked up on, thank God). So he has no idea if he's only changed because it's him they're battling (The kid _worshiped_ him) or if that's just who he's grown to become. The only time he talks anymore is not to Renegade, but to check on the others. Those stupid childish quips never echo through Dick's ears as they used to and the only expression that's ever present on his face is a snarl. Dick went against orders once and told him mockingly, "You better lighten up, or you'll turn out like me." Bad idea on all accounts really, for right after he said something an angry gorilla was coming his way and Renegade was forced to knock him out. Perhaps maybe if Beast Boy stopped trying to impress _Terra _he'd be able to go toe-to-toe with the former leader someday. Oh where oh where has the young optimistic kid gone?

Oh that's right, _Slade manipulated him. _"Stop confusing yourself with Beastboy." Dick has to tell himself.

Maybe if **Robin** had handled himself like Cyborg, he wouldn't be in this mess. Cyborg had this extremely high I.Q for someone so young…could be partially because the accident redirected his focus back to academics… Nonetheless, he was a genius with computers and electronics. Cyborg's huge heart and dedication were leader qualities and although he had his limitations (like everyone), those limitations never stopped him. One of his best qualities, which turned out to be the most annoying to Renegade, is his will to give his all no matter what. That dedication probably turned out to be the cause of them butting heads on rather stupid things. The other quality was his teamwork; he belonged on a team, thrived on the team. So yes, if** Robin** handled himself like Cyborg he wouldn't be in this mess and because **Robin** hadn't, it caused the creation of Renegade.

The change Dick sees in Cyborg isn't as drastic as it was with the others. He, of course, took up the mantle of team leader and it suits him. His emotions never get the best of him in battle and he makes good calls. If this cyborg was as genius as Dick once believed him to be, why couldn't Cyborg figure out about Dick's situation? The probes had been activated once, so why didn't they follow up that lead? Instead of keeping hope, the half machine-half man moved on to improving his sonic cannon. And from Renegade's personal experience, the improvements hurts like a bitch. The darker part of Dick tells him that Cyborg's glad he left for now he has everything Dick once had. He's getting smarter in battle tactics and Renegade's gotten close to capture but before that could happen, Sladebots would be sent in. This of course meant more training for Dick and a lecture afterwards.

If Cyborg doesn't quit soon, Renegade will unleash a hell upon him and his team, because the exhaustion of fighting them is getting to him.

Dick knows Slade's itching to move on to bigger plans and frankly, Renegade's ready for it.

When Dick thinks about it, he realizes he does care about his image. It doesn't feel exactly wonderful when someone hears your name and cringes. After years of admiration in the public eye, it's strange to be the outcast. As Renegade, he's made many allies… but he's not come close to actually calling someone his friend. He's never cared for fame or fortune, but either way people have paid attention to him… both in his good moments and bad. There is just something about him that draws in everyone's attention and he's completely oblivious as to why. As Dick Grayson, he was mysterious and a dreamer. As Robin the Boy Wonder, he was the quipping partner of the legendary Dark Knight. As Robin, he led the Teen Titans and was generous to his core! As Renegade, he's extremely efficient and terrifying.

Maybe his famousness was what brought Slade's attention to him in the first place; only when he proved his worth did Slade actually consider him as an apprentice. Robin turned out to be a very easy target.

Perhaps Dick should have expected something bad like this to happen. What would be expected to happen to him? That he'd take up the Batman legacy and protect Gotham? No, Dick's fear of becoming Batman wouldn't allow that. How could he expect for his old friends to piece together the pieces of an impossible to solve puzzle? Or that Batman would rescue him like he's done many times in the past?

How could Dick expect such things from them? They're good for nothing, every, single, one, of them. No, if Robin's learned anything from this experience, it's never rely on anyone else to save your ass.

In order to keep his sanity, he's made himself think about his current situation and he makes himself smile. Not because he wants to, but because that's what he's supposed to do to keep moving on. No one will care if he's broken, in fact they'd probably expect it and be happy about it. So for now, Renegade will find joy in what he does because that's what he's meant to do. He was never meant to hate himself or let himself be consumed in his hate…

He tells himself, "I hate Slade and I hate what he forced me to become."

But just like, "They will never give up on me," it's losing its meaning as time moves on.


End file.
